Im starting to think that with all this talk of adoptees “wreaking havoc” (see Julie) on other’s lives by the mere fact of existing, perhaps we should all petition our congress people to pass a law requiring us to wear warning labels. Biohazard is definitely fitting for most adoptees since our existence puts a new spin on bio-terror. Comparable to germs, mutant bacteria and super viruses, we are no longer the simple chicken pox you thought would never return, oh no, we apparently have the power to destroy entire families by simply existing.
In fact, I was personally told by someone quite close to me this week, that I would destroy my mother’s life if I were to pursue contact with my aunt or my sister’s. I fell apart after hearing this. (ok, not only a biohazard, but explosively combustible as well). I try to give people the benefit of the doubt: after all the public only gets fed the happy friggin prozac-ed up version of the adoption story, and well my friends, partner, and relatives are not immune to this. Somehow, this must change! I’m fed up with this bullshit thinking, and hopefully I will be able to enlighten someone. Perhaps I’m ranting, but right now I feel like the ‘bad’ guest on a talk show, the one that no one wishes to understand, the one which sits there for all to yell at and undermine- the “how could you???? guest” How could you hurt your amom- she loved you and now you destroy her life? How could you destroy your b-moms life, be grateful she gave you life and move on. Oh your sisters, well just don’t go and destroy their lives either? Again, adoption is convenient, so long as the adoptee just shut’s up and complies. The minute we start to think rationally, to process what has happened to us, to search for our identities, to demand basic right’s which most human beings have, we are no longer those lovable baskets of joy — we are destructive, angry, and wreaking havoc on other’s lives.
That’s right, if I keep playing along diplomatically, everyone will be ok with me! This type of thinking has landed me straight into abusive situations and relationships my entire life. I suck it up, so as to not explode when I speak to my sometimes toxic amom. Too afraid to stand up for myself because I don’t want to offend anyone or destroy another relationship, I have stayed way too long with verbally abusive partners, complete losers, and way too long in a job in which I was being used abused and harrassed. I’m happy to say I’m trying to move beyond this. I will not let my feelings be invalidated any longer.
Would you tell a child who is screaming for his mom after hurting himself to shut the hell up? Probably not. That would be considered abuse. Please stop telling us adoptees to shut up, inside we are still just children screaming for our moms. We do not seek to disrupt or destroy anyone’s lives.