Does the world truly need another ungrateful bastard? The number of us who have opted to share our experiences with the world through written word has grown substantially. Why do I, Bijou, an adoptee who has searched and is still hopeful for a reunion despite a disinterested response from b-mom choose to write about my adoption experience, which I’m sure is not so unique from many of the other bastard bloggers already out there? 3 Reasons:
1. Free Therapy- this is apparent to any adoptee who has paid a substantial amount to therapists over the years only to be stared at with glazed over eyes and given general pieces of advice such as, well we are all humans and no one has a perfect relationship with their parents. Even our friends and partners (who are truly well intentioned, but unfortunately lack understanding) when we speak of our desires to search, and perhaps even reunite constantly remind us of how lucky we are, how we should not open cans of worms, how we should look forward etc. I have tried to cope at different points in my life using alcohol, work, over-achieverness, etc., but the issue will not die. This blog is an outlet: the public can choose to read it or not, I can choose to discard useless comments.
2. Enlightenment. Strength comes in numbers. If we out ourselves, we can demonstrate that adoption is not a fairy tale. That there are true issues we as adoptees face regarding grief, loss, rejection, etc., that these issues affect not only ourselves but also our spouses, friends, families, etc. I somehow feel I have the responsibility to work toward change in the adoption realm, it seems to be getting even more out of control– especially in the international realm. I’m not anti-adoption, I don’t claim to have all the answers, however I do feel that adoption should not fulfill the needs of infertile couples, rather the child without a family, and that open records/open adoption (in other words TRUTH) is the way. Abducting children from poorer countries is not the answer either. I respect adoptive families who truthfully acknowledge these issues, unfortunately most live in denial.
Again, the public’s opinion on adoption is bolstered by fairy-tale stories perpetuated by the media and industry. It is truly no wonder we receive no compassion or understanding, often from those close to us.
3. Support: The written word of blogging adoptees and parents who relinquished children continue to keep me going through the perplexity of search, reunion etc. It is nice to know I’m not the only people pleasing, diplomatic reject-ee out there.
So here it is…. Bijou’s Bastardized Odyssey
“As an HWI, I would go for about $35000 on todays market. Even discounting back and counting for inflation my parents should be the grateful ones that they got me at a deep discount to my true market value”
“Job Interviews, Dating, and the Adoptee: Rejection takes on a new meaning”