Comments on: In Vino Veritas….

By: joy21

joy21 — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 05:51:58 +0000

I meant by accident or arson. uggh.

By: joy21

joy21 — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 05:51:00 +0000

Oh Adoption is on my skin. I feel my skin cells tense and stand at alert, I know that sounds crazy, but adoption is enough to make you crazy.

I don’t understand it all,Bijou, I don’t and I don’t want to understand it, I love my son soooo much, I hate to see him in pain, the only way I can relate to mothers who deny their children at all is to think that they must be too horrified and afraid, that on some level they know but they can’t bear to look at it.

Which of course only compounds it for their children.

Then there is a part of me that remembers my friend who always said, “If your house burns down by fire or arson, you still have to deal with a burned down house” Meaning of course that even the understanding doesn’t change the consequence that you have to live with.

I am so sorry, and I know that the longing for mother and her love does not dissapate with age. I wish there was something I could do.

By: Amy

Amy — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 23:50:23 +0000

I have long felt that we need to quit messing with mother nature. I guess that is the reason why I live on a ranch. You can’t mess with mother nature out here. You are too dependent on her for grass, grain, and water. I have way too much respect for her especially because I live on a ranch. I get to see what wicked total awesome beauty she brings into the world each day.

I know that even adoption is messing with Mother Nature. When a person interferes with the natural flow of things, it does bite you big time in the buttocks. You are messing with a mother and child bond. You just can’t ignore that. As a mother I know that.

By: Julie

Julie — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:10:29 +0000

I feel the same way you do, Bijou. Nice to hear it coming from outside my head for a change.

By: miassavinggrace

miassavinggrace — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 22:48:26 +0000

Adoption lands right in my jaw. I have severe TMJ. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! Listen to your body and take a BREAK if you need one! So there. p

I agree….DON’T MESS WITH MOTHER NATURE PEOPLE! Remember that commercial?

By: bijousodyssey

bijousodyssey — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 21:02:36 +0000

Thanks for stopping by everyone.

I think we can all agree that something so simple as a mother child bond is lost in today’s world. And as Kim and Suz stated, you did not know the power of this bond or themselves felt unworthy. It makes me so sad to hear, especially since women and girls in stressful pregancies are still being convinced that there is no bond (a baby will bond with anything) and that the child would be better off without its real mother.

Rebecca, glad you had an enlightening and relaxing retreat experience.

Heidi, I’m sure we can all offer you support in your search, emotionally and with search advice. I did not anticipate what a toll it would take on my life. But at some point it needs to be released, otherwise I will keep directing the anger and hurt in the wrong place. Your story is just crazy as well. Lexapro?? is that one of those things they dish out to forget. I hate the thought of adoptees being given this stuff (like somehow magnifies the idea that we should suck it up and forget) Wish it was that easy…

LeRoy, I agree that the mother plays the key role in a family. I wish there was more clinical research to support this and more research into this bond.

Andie, think you nailed it. Being abandoned at birth screwz ya up big time. Each subsequent rejection in life is amplified and exaggerated…

Theresa, you are such an ingrate!!! therefore I like you and your blog.

Hey Possum, hope you have also found some relaxing moments in your waiting.

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 17:30:12 +0000

Bijou, Great post! You are under no obligation to respond to comments. Take care of you first. We’ll be around regardless if you comment. Hugs, Rebecca

By: Heidi

Heidi — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 14:11:22 +0000

Forgot to mention, Lexapro helps, and alcohol, but I also don’t forget things when I drink and just think more about them.

By: Heidi

Heidi — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 14:10:01 +0000

You are a great writer. This is my first visit to your blog, but so far from the posts I’ve read I can really understand where you are coming from. I think the emotional and physical pain I feel each time my search for my B family is enough to make me give up. Hence ,I have not gotten very far with my search. Being a mother now of 2 wonderful children, a daughtor 8 and a son 3, I feel the bond between us is very important. It is easy in everyday life to forget that, with all the silly petty arguments that occur, especially between a mother and daughtor. I only hope that the things she might resent me for later in life are not enough to make her feel disconnected from me.
Thanks for the visit. I need all the support I can get.

By: LeRoy Dissing

LeRoy Dissing — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 04:46:21 +0000

Bijou…as a social worker who has seen many families, I have come to believe that if you really want to know a lot about a family quickly, focus in on the mother. She is the key to how well the family functions or dysfunctions. I am not saying fathers don’t have an influence but nothing like moms. If mom is healthy, there is a good chance the kids will be too even if dad isn’t or is absent. So that mother-child bond is so very important; important that it be a healthy attachment. When it isn’t, all hell breaks loose it seems and what you experience is some of that. Wish we could be more supportive than we are. Hang in there.